Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
