I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
