I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
