I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
