No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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