It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
