my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
