Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
