ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
