My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
