You just made me feel so damn special
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize