Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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