He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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