So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
