Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
