True but thats because hes a fetus.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
