If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
