After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
