Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
