hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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