new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
