I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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