Say something about gay babies.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize