R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
