hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Vodka?
Forever.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize