and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
