Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
