Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize