i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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