I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
This gyro tastes like lonliness
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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