Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize