So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
