So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
