There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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