there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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