Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
