Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
