I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
