The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
