My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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