I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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