And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
