I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
