He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize