Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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