I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
