I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i want to swaddle you in tequila
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
