If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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