I just saw a hot homeless man
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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