i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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