A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
