Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
