The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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