bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
