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• (440): View more from Ohio

  so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"

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• (925): View more from California

  is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her

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• (210): View more from Texas

  I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"

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• (407): View more from Florida

  Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?

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• (360): View more from Washington

  I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.

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• (445): View more from Pennsylvania

  she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  Just had my very first high conversation with mom

  (541): View more from Oregon

  And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.

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• (316): View more from Kansas

  Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?

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