You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
COCAINE IS GR8
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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