I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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