I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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