he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
