Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he quoted the bible to break up with me
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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