I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
