i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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