My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
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