I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Is it penis luge time yet?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
