Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
