I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
