If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She bit a glass in half.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
