Your face is a jimmy john
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
