So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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