Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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