Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
