He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
